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WhyWhy was I given life
If it was to be so difficult
Through it all?
Why was I given the ability to Dream
If my own mind would twist against me
And wake me up ready to be sick?
Why was I given the thoughts to kill myself
If everybody knew I couldn’t do it?
Why am I here
Placed on the Earth
Where it feels as if everybody hates me
Where it feels like all friends are fake?
Where my mind has become so twisted
That I feel, hear, smell, taste and see things that aren’t really there
So I could become a plaything.
Something to mess up so badly,
It’s view of reality is distorted
So I could live through Hell
Until I finally went there
And live it all over again
So I could hate myself
So I could be alive
Yet not living
But not aware
Yet not really there.
So easy to cut
It sounds like ripping fabric
If you go through enough layers at a time
Blood is dripping down my legs now
Why is it so pretty to watch?
It’s as if we were meant to hurt ourselves
To see that beautiful red liquid
It’s splashing on the floor now
Creating little blotches on the floor
My carpet is the canvas
My blood being the paint
My knife was taken
I’m using a sharp tack
Until I can buy a new
It’s not the same
The tack was dirty
My bloodstream infested
My leg is gone now
I’ll be soon too
I can’t stop myself
More puncture holes
Live on my skin
Why is this so fun
I’m fading now
I don’t have long
This was fun whilst it lasted
Please take the tack, young one
You’ll need it
I Hate MyselfI hate myself
That’s all there is to it
But I have enough respect for my family
To not let it show
I cut my hair instead of my skin
I hit myself and throw myself on the ground
To make it look more natural
My friends noticed
They asked why I was always covered in cuts and bruises
I told them I fall a lot
That I’m unstable
Not a lie
I’m always tripping myself
And my mind
I’m not ready to leave
I can’t kill myself yet
But I plan to leave this world
But to know that I’ve saved
So many of my friends lives
I can’t let their hearts die with me
I won’t eat during the day
Eating only at dinner
So my mom doesn't find out
Yet I’ll still eat so little
I’ll stay inside all day
Wasting my life
Staying up all night
Sleeping until the afternoon
My sleeping habits have reason
Nightmares plague my mind
If I stay up late enough
I won’t dream at all
Yet there are still people who bring out
An alive version of me
It's too LateThe brilliant blue of the sea
The salty tang to the wind
Fish jumping thru the air,
Enjoying their freedom
The sun glitters across the water
Reflecting into my brown eyes
The wind pushes my short hair back
And I jump off the cliff
Down I fall,
My white gown streams around me
As I go underwater
The fish dart away
The sun disappears
The wind can't reach me
I'm gone from the world I knew
And I've sunk to the bottom of the new
There's no traces of me now
But I'm not ready to leave
I kick to the surface
"I'm not ready"
Almost dead I break to the air
Waves wash over me
Dragging me under again
I kick forward
"Please" I beg silently
"Please don't let me die"
I sink down
"It's too late"
The last bubbles of life escape
And I let darkness consume
"It's too late."
I don't need themThe birds are chirping
The green grass is growing
It's so happy outside
So I stay in.
I stay in my room
Alone like I always am
My room is my cave
Where I hide from everyone
Dark thoughts surround me
"He didn't want me"
"Nobody likes me"
"I should just die"
I feel hollow with heartache
"He didn't want me"
Everything passes in a blur
I start sleeping and eating less
I listen to music all the time
"Nobody likes me"
More people start avoiding me
Staring at me like I was a freak
"I should just die"
Nobody likes me anyways
People use me to get food, gifts and attention
I hate this life
But then the people started being kind
Seeming like they cared
It almost felt real
Except for the lies
Friendship has no real values anymore
All those girls are fake, gossiping bitches
They don't need me
And I don't need them.
ChangeI look at myself in the mirror
And notice how much I've changed
For better or for worse
I had changed to get more attention
To not look like a slob
Or little kid
I changed my personality
So I wasn't a freak-show
I changed the way I look at the world
I see the world as a dark place
War, death, broken hearts
Is this for better of for worse?
I can't stand to walk outside
And see the fake smiles
Even if mine is fake too
And I can't go back
I've learned about the kinds of monsters in this world
I've learned how this place is bitter with murder
I've learned to not trust anyone
I've learned to not be yourself
I've learned to be fake
I hate this place
I need to escape
But I can't
That would mean I've lost to the world
I can try to go back
Re-live my memories
But reality would hit me harder
Squeeze my heart a little tighter
Eat my soul a little more
Warp my mind
Send me back to the darkened places
I roamed before
I could continue
Pretend to fit in with the groups
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
Don't pick a fight with an Artist
Don't pick a fight with an artist
Wanna fight pussy?
Give me yar best shot
Or will you throw a paintbrush at me?
I'm so scared- not
Excuse me? What did you say?
What is a punch you ask?
Of course let me tell you:
A blow with the fist- it's quite a simple task
Are y' gonna cwyyy?
I dunno what you just said
Why don't you let me show you?
I'll f****** punch you and then- boom- you're dead!?
Pardon? What did you ask?
You need a clearer definition?
Of course, let me show you
I'll demonstrate- with out your permission
Ouch! Hey no fair
Dude you are so gay
You write poetry
I'll make you f****** pay!
Discúlpeme? What did you mutter?
I'm gay? Is that what you said?
Perhaps you need some assistance, let me help
I'll be gentle I promise- I did need new ink! In the colour red<
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
Mirror, MirrorMirror, mirror, on the wall,
Watch it crumble, break and fall.
Look at all the bloody glass,
How it reminds them of a severed past.
Watch a reflection slowly disappear,
Looking at all the shattered, crushed mirrors.
A breathless state of mind goes by,
Am I just alive or did I die?
Confused and in an awe,
Careless people unknown to what one saw.
Throat slit so one can't be unlocked,
Too bad the thoughts have become blocked.
Crimson splatters, dripping, breaking away,
Thou shall not know the feeling of all the pain.
Oh, Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Why did you crumble, break and fall?
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
Monster you areWe were friends
till the day i died inside
I told you i loved you
And that you stole my heart
But in reality
you ripped it from me
revealing the monster you really are
Destroying my love
And killing my trust
We never talked again
not the same way we would laugh
And joke about the little things
You destroyed a big thing
AerosolIt has been a day and a half since the crash, and I have found a cabin. In some ways, this is a relief. I don’t know if I could face another night on the mountain without shelter. Outside, a fire does no good: the heat simply travels upwards. However, this place also raises some difficult questions. I estimate that I’ve put eight miles between myself and the crash site. I don’t know if this will be enough. It Saving...
occurs to me that I don’t really know anything.
The survival manual recommends staying with the plane. It explains that this affords the best chance of rescue. It explains that the wreckage offers warmth and shade. It explains that seventy percent of pilots who stay are located within three days, while seventy percent of those who leave are
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